is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize