All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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