I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
