I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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