I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
