A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
