i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
