After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
