Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
