Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
