I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
