you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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