Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
