Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
