i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We have so much sex to catch up on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
