you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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