I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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