Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
