..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
