Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
