I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
