I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
