the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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