I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
