It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
