Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
