the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
