Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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