Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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