I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize