Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
