Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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