Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
