Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
