Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
