So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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