you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
