Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize