I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
