My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
only you would photoshop your dick
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
