When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
