She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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