If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
