its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
