If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
