The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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