we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
