You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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