If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
