Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
