Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize