I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
