In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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