I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
