My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dicks are not precious.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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