We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
