I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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