I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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