So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
