My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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