Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
