My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
