It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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