My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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