I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
