I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
