Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
