If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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