i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So apparently I’m into choking now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
