if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
