I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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