I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize