Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
