HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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