woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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