hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
