she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
