last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
