i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
