How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
