so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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