bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
