just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
