I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need a beard to bite.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
