Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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