Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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