so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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