im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
