jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize