youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
