dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
