Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
