my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
