You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You made out with two different species that night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
