You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
