Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
